Sometimes I wonder if my whole life will pass by this way: me waiting in the shadows, waiting for something to happen. Waiting for someone else to make it happen. Something new or different or crazy and amazing. I‘ve been there for so long, letting everyone else figure it out for me, floating along without much direction or conscious thought. Reacting.
— Sarah Ockler
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
9:59 AM
I did quite a bit of stuff today, although staying in my room for many hours makes me feel like the day is long. I woke up and ate kaya spread on toast. I think I'm getting sick of the kaya spread because it has this strong smell. After that I got ready to got to uni.

My plan was to do 3 things:

  1. Get student ID card
  2. Buy required books
  3. Send rent certificate in the post

Walked to uni took about 20minutes which is not bad, but it was so hot. The sun was blazing down at me and I didn't want to wear a hat since I was about to take the ID photo LOL I first bought my books because I found the book store, I had to buy 3 items.. cry why are books so expensive. Then I got my ID card done and just as I was about to google where is the closest post box, I saw it on my right hand side LOL

After I completed everything I decided to go home. I'm not really into any of those O-Week stuff (obviously) or joining clubs etc. It was hot... but I guess it's good to get some vitamin D and exercise hahah.

After that I watched some videos that I was required to watch to 'prepare for class' - it was for people who hadn't studied bio/chem in VCE or those returning from a break in studying.. and I am both LOL the hard thing is that the videos were simple, but they had short quizzes after, which contained things that weren't even in the video -.-

Anyway, I hope I can study well and do well in school. 

At night I washed some of my strawberries to eat and I ate most of them but some of them were like.. super soft or like lots of seeds clumped together and a bit discoloured?? so I was like, nahhhhh. I watched some stuff on TV and then played catan online with my friends!!! It was very fun, although it only has been less than a week since I last saw them I miss them LOL I of course miss my family too, and David said he misses me too, although I literally saw him like 1-2 days ago?? He says he 'feels different'?? yeahhhh

I miss being in Melbourne a lot.
I miss when things were easier.
I hope being here gets better.
I hope I can do well in school, and make friends.. just hopefully everything goes well.


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Monday, February 27, 2017
1:37 AM
Today I moved into my new room.
This is so scary, and a completely new experience.
I am a shy and reserved person, who loves being in my comfort zone.
I don't like change. Sigh.

I am living with 5 other girls. None are Asian although that is not a problem because my work place also has hardly any. I think growing up amongst other Asians made me very... shy(?)... and sheltered.. It was just safe? Like I was always in my comfort zone and in my little bubble?

When I started my current job, I found it quite hard to talk to non-Asians about things that Asian people knew about - K-drama, food stuff, and a lot of other slang and stuff... especially because I don't watch Western TV shows, it was sort of hard.

I think it is just the most uncomfortable situation I have been in.
We drove there, unpacked. I vacuumed and wiped down stuff. I tried to put all my stuff away and make it as neat as possible.. David helped with everything. We had pasta for lunch at a local resturant, and bought a new chair at Officeworks... put it together and then went to the city for dinner.

We wanted to eat at Red Silks but it was closed for maintenance.
David was very disappointed because we haven't been there in ages (he likes it there, I don't really).
We ate KBBQ at G2 instead. It was pretty good, but KBBQ is always so expensive.

David drove me home (lovely, I know) and we had to part ways.
I was actually still nervous and stressed the whole day.
I don't think anyone was home when I got home... they had gone out I think.
I showered quickly and talked to David on the phone whilst he drove back, and then I went to sleep.

Now at 1.20AM I have just been awoken by a few of my other housemates because their key wasn't working. I looked like shit and I was wearing my watermelon slip nighty LMAO fuck my life... and no bra as well. Sigh, maybe now we can be a little closer ......... ceebs life... only 355 days to go (in this house ... and another 3.5 years in this course LOL)

Well tbh I can either look like a sheltered young Asian girl, or like an old lady who gives no fucks... and I think I might be a mix of the two LOLOLOL

I hope tomorrow will be a better day.
I need to go to school to make ID and buy books..
and now look another two of the girls have just come home.. and AGAIN needed me to opened the door LOL

no fucks given about my watermelon nighty anymore.

- c


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Monday, February 20, 2017
1:23 AM
Today I felt so stressed... I actually haven't felt stressed often in the last few years because life has just been so routine and easy. But now that things are changing.. there's so much to think about and do. I don't think I realised how soon school would be starting and how soon I would be moving. I had a bit of a panic attack whilst in IKEA when I realised literally next weekend I will be moving out..
Literally in ONE WEEK I will be moving out.. wow... ahhhhhhh :(

I am incredibly scared and nervous, but I hope hope hope it will be all good. Hope everything goes well, that the housemates are good, I can study well, and cook well and look after myself well and overall just do well.

Also other things stressing me out is working out where to eat dinner on Friday... Although I don't feel like it's something I should be 'stressed' about per se, but I guess because it is "my choice" that it's like... whoa too much responsibility hold up LOL

Also I spent WAY too much money today - but they are all ~necessities~ for when I move out- not really.. I'm just an incredible spender... not kidding. I cry because I just love spending... fuck. I literally depleted half of my last pay check in a day LMFAO Not only that but there are stuff more expensive things that are yet to be paid for - rent, school books etc. It's like once you get the ball rolling the spending is uncontrollable... tap tap tap the card fml LOL

Oh and the other night we bought the tickets to Korea!!!! Yay I'm excited to go... AGAIN LOL I love Korea and I will be going for the 3rd time - can't wait to shop and eat and explore... Korea is like second home because David is fluent and I don't have to do or worry about anythingggg just relaxxx and rely on him as usual :D Although this time around I don't think I will have much money to play to my heart's content fml :(

I hope my working once or twice a week will be sufficient for now (in terms of funds).. work hard, play hard I guess. Will have to try to juggling uni life again cry and also coming back for work on the weekend and maybe seeing my friends too.. This is all too huge a change for me to deal with tbh........

I mean... I'm me... I don't like doing unfamiliar things, and going to unfamiliar places. My heart and brain isn't prepared yet.. I cry. It will be okay. I'm 23... I'll be turning 24 soon fuck I should really try to get my shit together and stop being a freaking baby...... I still feel 16 LOL

Shopped for ages today - went to Officeworks, IKEA and Chadstone all in one afternoon! Thank you David for being awesome bf as always and being patient :D After dinner I played Monopoly deal w David and Yinnie, I won like 4/5 games I think LOL Yinnie won once and David none! hehehe.

Happy today :-) (apart from the stress).
Tomorrow I have lots to do - wake up early to take Y to station she's going on a 2D1N MT trip w company LOL so cool.. and I have to pick up my package from post office then meet with D for lunch and then buy some other stuffs, and wahh so much things to do..

Oh I forgot to mention that this week I don't have work except on Saturday so I have pretty much the WHOLE WEEK OFF to relaxxxxxx before my move ahh thinking about it makes me hyperventilate LOL sigh scared

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Thursday, February 9, 2017
11:32 PM
Today was tiring. I had another whole day shift today because unfortunately another staff member couldn't make it in. Today was tiring. I feel like I did a lot of jobs and we did well as a team today sort of. I keep thinking that the store will suffer without me on full time but I'm sure they will step up hopefully. I feel proud of myself for getting almost everything done today.

Had pho with friends for dinner. Nelson is back yay. I over ate as usual and we had Maccas after too - nuggets, fries and I had a sundae fuck my life. I think I should really try to restrict my diet now since I don't exercise and I have gained like 2-3kg what the fuck?

Also I will be stopping full time at the end of next week, and moving out at the end of the month... wow... fuck I'm really scared LOL ahh.................. kill myself.

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