Sometimes I wonder if my whole life will pass by this way: me waiting in the shadows, waiting for something to happen. Waiting for someone else to make it happen. Something new or different or crazy and amazing. I‘ve been there for so long, letting everyone else figure it out for me, floating along without much direction or conscious thought. Reacting.
— Sarah Ockler
Sunday, June 7, 2015
8:36 PM

These days I find myself admiring a lot of things. There are a lot of things I want to buy. A lot of things I want to buy for the future. I think to myself "I definitely want to get this for my house when I am married", "I can't wait to have my own house so I can get this".

Even now I romanticise the future. I dream about how awesome my room will look like in the future. How minimalistic it will be, how it will be filled with awesome furniture and decor. How there will be plants in jars, and photos on the walls stuck down with coloured tape, how my wardrobe will be neat with pale coloured clothes and I will have a collection of canvas bags.

I dream about how David and I will have cute cutlery and cute little matching mugs, and how I will listen to songs like Dreamlike by Vodka Rain and just smile to myself when David is out and I'm home alone because I'm so happy with my life.

But I realised that my awesome minimalistic bedroom will not be my own bedroom because when I'm married I will be sharing. I'm conflicted between wanting things to look rich and fancy or to look minimalistic and aesthetically awesome. I hope that I can have my own workshop room or something when I'm older. I dream that I am designing stuff.

Also I want to shoot film.
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Friday, June 5, 2015
8:58 PM
Friday 5th June /2015
Last week I only got Sunday off because the director needed me to swap my shift, instead I got Friday off. The week felt so long and seriously I have a stress fracture of my left foot or something.. it totally hurts. I spent the whole day with the hand held massager but it still hurts when I stretch my foot :(

It feels good having the day off and not going out, it's like I can fully recharge, especially since I have been sick. I mean last week I was really sick, but I was getting better, but I wasn't able to fully recover because I didn't get my 2 days off.. and over the course of this week I felt like I was getting sick again (getting worse). Anyway I am feeling much better since I could get some rest today. I watched Warm and Cozy and Mask episodes that were subbed today. Seriously they are both REALLY GOOD DRAMAS.. Warm and Cozy is makes you feel.. warm and cozy because it's such a sweet and laid back drama.. Mask is super intense though BUT SO AWESOME... only 4 episodes out so far though, but I would recommend to anyone who likes suspense/mystery dramas!

I didn't know what to do for the rest of the day because I am up to date with all the other dramas I have been watching, so I am finishing off Falling for Innocence. It's still interesting, but not as much as the other dramas I have started watching.

Anyway, I also have to think about what I want for my birthday so I can tell David and so that he can organise it. My birthday is still a while away LOL but I need to work out what I want because I'm a selfish bitch and I like to get things that I actually like and want. There are quite a lot of things that I want (but I'm not sure if I want them for my birthday LOLOOL).

Work tomorrow again.. at least one day then 2 days off..
Missed out on eating with Bel and Leon today because I need to recover. My throat hurt so much just breathing.. especially in the mornings and breathing in the cold air :( YOMG and that Meat in the Middle thing is quite popular.. it's weird that there are many new restaurants opening up in Kingsway LOL

Anyway that is all.. I feel like icecream..



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Thursday, June 4, 2015
5:57 PM
Today is Thursday and I am freezing. The days are getting shorter and the nights longer but I have been having to get up in the early hours of the day to get ready for work.

Now that David is gone I have to take the bus and both going there and back is tiring. It is freezing cold so I wrap myself up in a huge scarf and my sister has kindly given me one of her coats which is thick and warm. I now also wear stockings under my pants but despite all the layers I am still freezing.

My feet are in immense pain I have no idea why. I wish David were here to give me a foot massage lol! I guess I will have to use the hand held massager tonight.

Work has been okay lately. I got my eyes tested yesterday and I am looking to get some new frames. The only bad thing is that I have no nose bridge and my face is big lol! 

There are two glasses I am looking at but it might be a while before I make up my mind. Also my script is re: -3.25, le: -2.25/50x27 which is good because it doesn't seem to have increased at all and if anything it has decreased. And the cyl in the left eye is pretty small which is good. I am very glad. Also if I start wearing glasses it means that I can save my money with the contact lenses lmao and also somewhat rest my eyes.

Ah my feet kill and I'm so hungry. I have been starving on the bus rides home. I miss David being able to give me rides and I miss being able to see him everyday and just sit in the car and listening to the radio and staring into blank space and talking about our day and shit and what happened at work. Anyway he's studying hard in Geelong so hopefully everything will turn out ok.

Also annoying thing is when I talk to people and we have the same conversation multiple times LMFAO " so has David finished yet?" Mate u asked me this yesterday?!? Hahaah some people.. Oh well I guess I can't expect everyone to remember every conversation we have lol

Also need to revamp my blog and start taking my shit a bit more seriously. In so lazy with blogging and editing my photos whilst others *coughbelcough* can even take photos with their camera edit and the transfer to their phone and upload on Instagram!!! So much effort and dedication.. I'm jealous hahaha

I'm seriously craving sleep cries. Everyday I wake up and I can feel my eyes.. So heavy when I blink it's like I can fall back asleep, but one thing I'm grateful for is my mum. She wakes up as early as me so she can make my lunch and breakfast and drive me to the bus stop. Super appreciate all the fruit cutting everyday!!

Cries I have no idea how I will survive on my own..David and I have also been fighting about the need for a dryer?!?!?? I mean it'd be nice if we could but I also fantasise about hanging clothes together Hahahahaha oh well if he wants to get one.. I don't really mind as long as there is a washing machine and dishwasher and also the Mac desktop ehehe

Wish I could edit my photos awesomely, I'm so jealous. Also wish I could carry my camera everywhere but even that is heavy.. I don't want to buy any more cameras and waste my money tbh Hahaah but I am by nature a spender so eottoke... 

Anyway that's all for now... Will update later

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